From the novel Already In A Meeting

Saying fine in meetings when it isn't

The one who says fine
You have an entire inner life running parallel to your outer one, and very little of it reaches the room. When something really matters, you make tea. The people close to you can tell your silences apart. That is different from hearing you.
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Tom, Engineering Lead, from the novel Already In A Meeting
Tom
Engineering Lead
“Fine.”

What it looks like at work

1
“Fine” covers agreement, disagreement and everything in between.
2
The best version of your point arrives in the car on the way home.
3
When something matters, you go silent.
4
People find out what you thought a week later, from someone else.
The part behind it

Why a part of you does this

This protector keeps your inner life inside, where it feels safe. Withdrawing spares you a conflict you expect to lose, and sometimes that is wise. Over time it also leaves the people around you guessing, and it leaves you carrying everything alone.
“It means at least six different things.”Tom's inner meeting, from the book

Watch Tom's episode

One thing to try this week

Who Catches You
From the book
5 minutesWhen you notice you are carrying something alone.
  1. Ask yourself two questions: who in your life can you trust to catch you when you slip? And who can you catch?
  2. Write one name for each. Just one.
  3. If you cannot think of a name for either, that is also the practice. Sit with what it is telling you.
Why it helps. A part that keeps everything inside has its reasons. One name gives it somewhere to put things down.
“I am reading it and laughing and crying because it's so freaking real. I am an engineer and everything related to AI is super real. I will gift this book to my engineer friends.”
An engineer, Lithuania
Already In A Meeting, a novel by Anna Milaeva
In the book

Tom is one of five people at Arco

Arco is a small wellness startup that has pivoted four times in eight months. Already In A Meeting is a short, funny novel about the people inside it, and the meetings running inside each of them, with real parts work underneath. What happens to Tom at the retreat is in the book.
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Paperback and Kindle, and free on Kindle Unlimited.
Talk it through

Recognised yourself?

I'm Anna, the author. I work with this as an IFS coach, with professionals and leaders who are good at their jobs and tired of how much it costs them. The first call is free and lasts thirty minutes.
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The other four

Kate, Chief of Staff The one who holds it togetherKate, Chief of Staff Daniel, Founder and CEO The one with the new planDaniel, Founder and CEO Priya, Head of Marketing The one with three versionsPriya, Head of Marketing Marta, Lawyer, and Tom's partner The one who can't stopMarta, Lawyer, and Tom's partner
Seeing these patterns across your whole team? Already In A Meeting for teams →