The argument isn't really about the dishes.

I work with couples together with my husband Dario, an organizational psychologist and IFS trained practitioner with over 20 years working with groups and individuals.

Most couples come in talking about communication. What they really mean is: we keep having the same fight and we don't know why.

The fight changes topic. The pattern doesn't.

That's because underneath most conflict between two people, there are parts. Protectors. Exiles. Inner critics. The part of you that shuts down when you feel criticized. The part of your partner that escalates when they feel unseen. These parts are not the problem. They're trying to help. But they keep colliding.

IFS gives us a way to slow it all down. To meet each person's parts with curiosity instead of blame. To understand what each part is protecting, and what it actually needs.

When that happens, something shifts. The reactivity softens. The real conversation becomes possible.